Monday, June 11, 2012

Whiskey Sometimes Tastes Unexpected

Alizée is telling me how being a bum is a noble lifestyle.  To wander in search of a purpose, living a minimalist life.
No, we're not bums - we're Pilgrims!

I've been out of sorts the past few days, & few weeks previous.  I'm settled this week to work on some online studying.  Auckland hospitality is dear to me; it's very obvious that people who talk down to this city don't know my friends.  I caught up with them for the long weekend, & they were happy to provide some study space.

Pushing back against my daily allotted time for fun.  One fun thing a day, & long breaks.  Some days it was allocated to calling home & chatting with the 'rents (or the Olds, they would say in NZ).  With all my time spent inside, I could have gone to the beach...  I need to get offline; out of my own head & into the world.
...but even arm-in-arm on the way to the rugby with my friends, my head is somewhere else.

Feeling unfocused has had me in a haze.  Travelling for the sake of it.  In the past 2 weeks I was going to try to live in Queenstown, Wellington & Tauranga.  Someone told me "So you don't really care where you end up..."  It's important to recognize the truth when it slaps you in the face.

Feeling off.  Not about being restless, but craving change.  Is there a difference?

Should be exploring NEW ZEALAND!  Taking advantage of what I've got at my fingertips! Maybe trying my hand at waka, learning Maori, or even simply sailing.  But whatever it is: Focus.  Don't spread yourself thin.

I've been really winding myself up tight about everything I'm missing out on.
On one hand I'm elated by the possibilities!
Sometimes, constantly plagued by indecision, it cements me to the ground.
Freedom has it's price.  Re-teaching myself the fundamentals of persistence & goal setting. Acknowledging each step forward.
Pursue your passion, everything else is a distraction.
Leave the distractions behind.

Got some ideas about the things I want to try.  Whatever my decisions, I should not regret them.

I tend not to live the backpacker lifestyle.  It is unhealthy for me to be drinking every night.  Maybe I am in New Zealand, maybe by the weekend I'll be on another island with another climate & maybe a different timezone, but this isn't a holiday.
At what point does traveling become real life?  Am I a bum or a pilgrim?
Is there a difference?

Today I do feel like a pilgrim.  The clouds have parted.  I am feeling comfortable with my life & my decisions thus far.  I am ready to leave Auckland - without separation anxiety.
Alizée just responded saying "...but are we ready to leave you?"

I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define.
It's time to find out what that is.

**Of course I wrote this when I should be studying.  There is no more fitting way. :D**